I often think whether the inheritance itself decides the rest of your life.
I have never been able to decide whether I should stop worrying and just give my everything possible to hard work and dedication and expect that things will surely turn out to be good. Since in my childhood I always considered my self superior to many others .
Today I stand with a good job and though I am not earning in dollars and no one in this whole world should even care about it to make any changes. So sulking is way out of question. I have found many of my friends to frown upon their state and find it a helluva a high when they carry that mood. They want to think that no body likes them and that they are up to no good. They did not get what they want in life and seeing them sulk , someone from heaven will come and redeem their goody points.
Well, what is lost is time. In this process of going into dreamy eyed drama sequences, you basically your time dies. It kills you in the process too, Every day gone is a day lost for ever,
Some think about whiling away their time to find happiness and some think that it is meaningless to waste time. Wel there is a balance , but my suggestion is only when you can think that the time you will spend whiling away is quality time you should do it.
Coming back to the topic of my post, I always felt that I can outshine others in the long run and dads money is worthless, then why is it that I have started to miss on the fact that my father has no money and was not able to provide for at least some of my whimsies in my childhood. Having lost a lot in my childhood I now stand at the door of my thirties and consider the 20’s a lost time too. All in efforts to work hard and get that extra one lakh in salary at the end of the year, Man that turns into an extra 4 -5 thousand by the time you get something in hand.
Does blue blood help , does it matter,
Yes those extra bits that you are missing even after all the hard work you have put all these dog years, they are all due to you the fact that you are poor,
Understanding philosophy and then leading a sanct life is alright from some peoples perspective, but what about the average in between, the ones that run the wheel of this world, the rats that die without even leaving a trace of their memories in the world they leave behind,
We the middle class should not read Ayn Rand, We have to read our Amar Chitra kathas in our childhood, in youth as a father and in death as a grand father.
Out Anthem is not in superiority but in mediocrity , the dream that I as a middle class saw was never to be fulfilled , days are passing, I am 25 and the last 3 years flew without even my knowledge. I have been working like a mad dog trying to satisfy the call of every man who wanted me to work.
If I were to step in the boots of the upper classes of society then the rest should too, since I am no better. Our Anthem is to keep this world running , be the molasses where some flowers grow .
The very fabric on top of which the world floats. Just hard work and more work, without even trying to understand why we are doing so , why we should do so ? For whom and to what purpose,
Money was a deciding factor a few years back and now that grapes are sour for me, since I have realized that working under somebody I will never be able to make thing big in this single life, Days are passing rapidly and I have no idea where and to what hell have they been lost. I feel that slowly I am aging and slowly the rest of the days will be over . I will not be able to enjoy life the way I planned it. I will never be able to fructify my dreams.
With responsibilities of my family on my shoulders and with such a lot of pain I believe that things were never meant to be full of sweetness for me. It was never meant to be the best possible outcome for a boy from a small town , not gifted by god,
I have now given almost all the time working , and have not realized it to be rewarding. I am slowly losing all the faith in lifes goodness,
Yes, they do tell in your childhood that , do this and do that and great things will come to you , It is nothing but just an attempt to keep the childhood free from the meaningless ness of all. There is no truth in anything anymore, I will start my work back, I will go back to the dream world.
Intoxicated in work I might be able to keep my mind away from all the pains and sufferings that the world is supposed to be meant for